in the moment

>>


guess what i saw one rainy friday morning?

amidst the peak hour rush, the splish and splash of puddles, the chilly autumn air, something clicked again. something that said to me once again, that apart from before and after, there's a present.

be in the moment, relish it, treasure it, live it.

thank you, for reminding me.


>>

unedited from the heart

>> this is the third time i've backspaced, and doing this the fourth time would seem rather pointless. so here it is, the words un-backspaced, without edit because i'm feeling so exhausted..and i guess typing things straight out just uses up less energy...which i'm clearly lacking at the moment after three colossal weeks of our feb intensive uni period. despite learning a heap of interesting stuff, making a lot of progress in very little time, ...just feel like i'm neglecting myself a bit. maybe for a while too long? i'm peddling, and peddling...but the tyres are running flat. refreshened energy can come in many different forms, but it all falls back to doing things that you love, sharing time with family and friends, giving time to people who need care...love and time make things go round. i think self expression is also part of that key, letting out the things you feel, bottled up emotions and thoughts will only implode at the least convenient situations. and doing something you enjoy can be that pathway towards expressing yourself. arts & crafts has always opened up a wonderful whimsical creative and limitless world for me. i remember building models of playgrounds from scraps of paper and straws when i was little, and the list is endless. i love working with colours and textures and shapes, i love the idea of something handmade from the heart, i love the creative outlet...yes, i umm.. have this little crush on arts&crafts ♥

a timely key

>>


it's been an almighty two and a half months since my last post. dearest blog, do not worry, i haven't abandoned you, you are still loved, sorry - time has just been running away from me a little too quick!

these have been two giant mountains of months - an exam timetable packed tighter than sardines in a tin; and then followed by moving house and work all through...so yeah i'm feeling a bit out of breath by now, but in another way, i also feel somewhat energised..like that feeling after a long run and you're huffing and puffing, but smiling at yourself - because you know just how far you've come.

life can be complicated, become like a burden, make your head swirl in circles, your eyesight go all blurry...and sometimes to see that clearer picture, instead of holding on more tightly, we need to let go, let a bit loose, and let the kite sail away in the sky...


let your grasp be a little less tighter,
your steps a little more lighter,

let your heart compass your map to sea,
give up your anchor - the uncertainty,

gift yourself the wings that set you free,
your mind the lock, let go the key.

>>

speechless

>>

funny, how we're all the same yet different.
odd, how things change so much yet they don't.
strange, how unreasonable reason can be.

it's like a train without brakes, a sky with a hole, a house without a door, a book with shredded pages, an umbrella upside down...

....

please excuse, this lack of expressibility


>>

the edge

:


on the edge
. a state of imbalance
chaos stretching tension to its limits

on the outside
faltering
- like a broken seabreeze

and through the window

on the inside
a smouldering flame,
sparks igniting
the multitude of uncontained fires

a vicious cycle
still unfolding

on the edge
only a meagre watering can
droplets in an inferno

wavering on the edge
like a joke
what we needed was a firetruck


~

c is for cupcake

>>


i have this recent obsession with cupcakes, not that i've baked any (yet!) or even eaten any in the past so many months...

there's something sweet and rather fairytale-ish about cupcakes. perhaps, deep down inside i'm just keen to go crazy over decorating mini cakes with icing, choc chips, sprinkles, raspberries...you name it. i haven't yet found a good enough excuse to bake and embellish a batch of cupcakes though >_< and i really should be eating healthy food instead of rich lusciously delicious cupcakes brimming with sweet sugar, creamy butter and a load of other high GI ingredients...in the meantime, (while i gather motivation to exercise and think of a convincing excuse to create some cupcakes) i figured i'd just doodle it out onto my sketchbook instead - 100% fun and 0% calories :]

...and voila, a petit gateaux, from blueberrymint's sketchbook bakery.....




>>

chasing the butterfly

>>

there's something unspokenly beautiful about nature,

even on rainy days

i was walking home from the bus stop the other day, it was getting dark and pouring like mad. my icicle temperature hands were clinging tightly onto my umbrella in the windy rain. as i trudged towards home, i was feeling outright exhausted after a long day of uni, and was silently cursing the sky for ending my day with a downpour.


then i noticed the trees in my street. they were leafless, but full of little white blossoms, like snow caught in mid air and strung together in a gracefully complex way. despite the howling wind that brought the branches trembling, there was something cheerful and optimistic about the wintry trees. just standing there, in a content yet nonchalant way.


and it made me think, and come to realise, how barricading the unpleasant things by doing other seemingly happier things is only a temporary band-aid. attempting to chase after happiness is futile. perhaps it'd be better, like the white blossom tree, to face the ever-changing weather...simply just as it is.

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder"

[Henry David Thoreau]

la di da di da .....

>>

if only

the sunshine would come out to play

one of those faintly purposeful days, just been eating food, feeding my growing addiction to playfish games, weeding the garden, and doing other random things that don't really go together. i'm feeling fidgety. and it's agitating.

i dunno, but sometimes i feel like i need to go off on a holiday, or just do something drastically different and run away for a moment or two. it's odd, that mixed emotional state of being tired and energised at the same time.

>>

unsaid

>>


the words seem to batter against the edge of my mind. like caged birds - silenced by their barricade with the outside world - and attempting with all their might to set themselves free.

and none of it is making sense, because it's illogical, illogical to know that there is a way out yet still fall into this relentless cycle.

tremble. shudder. as if there is something i want to say, something i need to say. maybe i just need to yell it all out. stand on a deserted mountain peak, with the wind cold against my face, and scream it all out, just let it all out. then let the rain wash it all away, and the sun soak it up with its warm rays.

it's irksome, the countless unresolved question marks.

still the songless silent birds search for the locked door, for an exit point for the words unsaid.


>>

a letter to my beloved enemy

>>

dearest procrastination,


sometimes it frightens me a little how time can slip away unknowingly. i really was planning to get a good two or so hours of much delayed studying to be accomplished -_____-"

please don't tempt me any longer. please don't try to lure me into reading interesting articles or doing any more random quizzes on the net or eating food unnecessarily.

.....pretty please?


yours sincerely,

the part of my brain that is still functioning

............................................



....yes...i really should get a move on those biochem notes or something equally productive so that i actually have spare time to bake those choc chip cookies for my bro's school fair....yay COOKIES!!...that shall be my motivation :D

awaken

>>




the last leaf falters
breaks
is swept away by the wind

the bare tree frozen
remains
waits helplessly for winter to pass

and i had forgotten

lost

back in the flurry of events

forgot that sometimes

only when you let it break away

then can the heart remain alive

and what was lost will be more than regained

the spring sun emanates
light
awakening the first new leaf

now i remember

why

i am still here

hear

>>

the music beckons you to dance

to let go

forget

this time a different melody wafted from the piano, like the nostalgic aroma of homemade apple pie. yet there was something new, a familiar unplayed tune. the faint notes grew more crisp and powerful, emanating an awakening richness.

a song of realisation...

nobody knows

>>


treasured deep behind an icy mist
in a distant world of its own
far away from all known

a wilderness white where light reflects
locked within invisible bars
still they lie, the unhealing scars

fury ruptures and twists with pain
tears well and balloon
yet silence plays the only tune

numbing coldness, frozen stone
when will it melt and wash away?
perhaps the ice will forever stay

unseen, undiscovered, unmapped
a hidden land where nobody goes
a secret nobody knows


>>

好天气 [ good weather ]

>>

one can predict the weather. one can prepare for the predicted weather. but the weather can never be at the will of human beings.

one day the skies may be a cloudless blue, and the next it may be a raging storm, a cyclone even. the winds may be bellowing; like a giant whose anger is beyond control, wreaking havoc and tossing the trees, homes and poor earthlings awry. the rain may be belting down mercilessly in truckloads, nonstop. the sunshine may be lost among the gloom of the heavy grey clouds that emanate misery in its darkest form. one may be soaked to the bones by the cold tears of the sky.

one may feel lost, helplessly trapped in devastation. it may seem as if the sun has eternally vanished. one may be hurt, forever scarred.

but the good weather will one day return, yet only if one hangs in there long enough despite the unfavourable circumstances. only if one can see the glints of light amongst the misfortune. just hang in there, and sunshine will radiate the skies once again.

>>

(lost & found)

this is perhaps the first week since the beginning of the semester that i have finally gotten a start on studying. i wonder why i didn't start earlier, because i sure regret it now...and whatever happened to my 'stop procrastinating' thing? i guess i'm the only to blame.

indeed, recently, out of nowhere, i've found myself some motivation, by some serendipitous luck i assume. maybe that was what went missing for while. like a paperclip missing beneath the cluttered mass on an untidy desk; lost among the crowd of paper, books and pens. or maybe its merely an unasked for exchange, for something forever lost. a compensation? i'd like to think better of it.

lost and found. as intrinsic a part of life as the law of gravity is to earth.

+ one month post

it has been exactly one month since i last posted a blog entry. lots of things can happen in a month, good things, bad things, things that don't mean much, things that mean a lot, happy things, funny things, sad things, annoying things...i've just written a whole lot of 废话 but i can't be bothered backspacing it cos i'm not in such a great mood today.

i should be studying IBS now, i haven't reviewed the immune system yet and i haven't reviewed a bunch of other stuff either. sometimes when i'm in a bad mood i eat lots of food lol... bingeing on junk food, very unhealthy...so lately i've been switching to healthier alternatives (don't know how long its gonna last though...) i ate some dried apricots and a seedless mandarin just a while ago. last night i was helping my bro with reading and it was a book about what a fruit is, it said that fruits come from a plant, grow from the flower and have seeds. so a tomato is a fruit, a squash is a fruit and pumpkins are fruit...which i found kinda interesting, cos i used to think that pumpkin soup was a vegetable soup, lol but its a actually a fruit soup ...

i remember we had a class debate in yr 8 once, about whether summer or winter was better, i was on the winter side, but now i'm not so sure whether i do like winter better... right now my hands and feet and are like unmeltable ice, and i'm wearing gloves and socks already... the doctor once said that my blood circulation wasn't very good, which was why i used have headaches and stuff, and she told me to exercise to improve blood flow or something like that, i wonder how it works... is it increasing the capillary diameter, or like causing cardiac muscle hypertrophy so it pumps blood better...neither sound right...now how did i get onto this topic? lol it seems like a sign that i should be getting back to studying IBS....

[two minute picture + photoshopping]

colour is an interesting thing. it can create emotion effortlessly, without a single word. what an odd thing colour is...no shape, no form, no texture...yet it's still there...colour creates shape, reveals form, enhances texture...

is personality like colour? something that is physically intangible yet always there, and within itself personality holds some sort of life (in a figurative way)...

:blank:

first time that i've blogged since exams finished and everything. now that yr 12 is officially and entirely over i feel more than anything - relief. apparently uni isn't as stressful..or so some say. but uni? ...uni? eugh...lol i don't think i'm ready for it yet..i don't want to grow up!! it's another step into the real world and i'm scared. i admit it, i'm a scaredy cat..i'm like scared about everything from the dark, to ghost movies...lol even talking to ppl sometimes. i'm not very brave. but i wish i was. and i wish i didn't have to grow up ...haha i wanna be like peter pan and never grow up lol i don't even really know the story...

is there a way to increase my EQ? because if there is i wanna know, cos i think my EQ is very low. is there some way to improve social skills ? lol i need that too. sometimes i really wish i had a different personality, someone more talkative, less shy, more courageous...i wish i knew what to say at the right time...

this is really random but i just wanted to say that i finally baked choc chip cookies! (like 2 weeks ago) lol that had been on my to do list since the start of the year...and the cookies didn't turn out too bad i guess, a bit too much butter though but otherwise i'm happy ^^

look o.O -->
(okay, the tips of some of the choc chips are a tad bit burnt -.- ...but it tastes ok anyway! ......i hope! )

i think i really need to learn more cooking on the hols or i'd be eating 2 minute noodles everyday when i grow up [which unlike most ppl, i dun really like eating] i guess i just have to accept the fact that i do actually have to grow up ... maybe one day... but not now

now i feel like being lazy, not studying for my l's, not cleaning up my room, not doing anything at all and just typing random stupid incomprehensible stuff (i.e. this!)

lol i can't believe i've written so much, i can talk a lot when i want to i guess...haha i seem to say 'i guess' a lot...i guess (there it is again!)it's cos i'm not so sure about anything, because everything seems kinda flimsy, anything can change, and nothing really stays the same...

b u b b l e

the bubble g r o w s
more air fills it
m o r e and m o r e

its surface shiny
clear
stretched out
fragile

m o r e and m o r e

too much pressure

too much to bear

irrevocable

and all of a sudden
pop
vanished without out a trace
forgotten

poor bubble.

complexity :

everything is intertwined
interconnected
an infusion

lucid yet opaque

contradictions

is there a way out?

is it possible to distinguish
to choose
to forget
to remember
to wish
to hope
?

a sunrise
sunset
where lilac becomes blue
pink becomes orange
a musky haze

life can be blurry