re.collect re.fresh re.start

>>

i thought it was time to sit down in peace and write a decent heartfelt post. and how timely, new year's eve.

two thousand and eight. 2 0 0 8 ? the numbers seem surprisingly mismatched yet so familiar to me. it has been a long and short year. a year of change, as with all other years. 366 days have gone by just like that. i feel that i've wasted most of it, that i should have used time more wisely, more intelligently. so much has changed, so much has happened that i cannot recall when it began. it's been one challenging year, mentally & emotionally gruelling? i don't know if that's the correct adjective...

i have learnt a lot this year, and there is so much, so much more that there is to learn. 2008, a year of realisation, discovery and unexpected obstacles. and uni. first year has been interesting, something that needs adjusting to; new faces, new environment, new things to learn. and now, summer hols, one month through and two more to drift through. and work, work has been relatively good, i like the feeling of doing something productive.

to put down all my thoughts now would be impossible, because too many things are running through my mind. and my eyes keep betraying me, i just want to close them and go to sleep. but i feel compelled to continue typing...

i hope that next year will bring some sort of new beginning, like how the old saying goes, to turn a new leaf. there are so many things i am hoping for, i feel a bit greedy. and i seem to always make wishes that are impossible to grant...

no matter what, 2009, i will welcome you with open arms and a smile from the heart :]

a new year, a fresh start.

nobody knows

>>


treasured deep behind an icy mist
in a distant world of its own
far away from all known

a wilderness white where light reflects
locked within invisible bars
still they lie, the unhealing scars

fury ruptures and twists with pain
tears well and balloon
yet silence plays the only tune

numbing coldness, frozen stone
when will it melt and wash away?
perhaps the ice will forever stay

unseen, undiscovered, unmapped
a hidden land where nobody goes
a secret nobody knows


>>

a little day from my little world

>>

today has been more unproductive than i thought it would have been. but somehow i still managed to scrape through some chem revision and had extra motivation to go for a 30 minute walk ... so i'm satisfied. lately i've had a slight obsession with doing those quiz thingys on blogthings.com ... some of its quite true, i liked the 'what does your handwriting one say about you?' one, i'd say 90% accurate...

and i decided to read the newspaper today, like actually read entire articles, usually i just skim and recycle it. two articles particularly caught my attention - one was about happiness and the other was about tears... what a coincidence they happen to appear in the paper on the same day! the happiness one was about the relationship between the activities that people do and how happy they were. apparently some research found that unhappy people tend to watch tv more... weird huh? but its interesting how they thought of drawing a correlation between happiness and activities... i think in the end it always depends on the person of course, on personality.

anyhows, moving on, the other article was about how crying is beneficial being that emotional tears released can actually expel chemicals related with stress. so literally when you cry, you are letting out the stress. and crying is a unique human trait...i always thought that other animals could too...hmm... i think that illusion must be from watching too much cartoon and kids movies... >.<

ramble ramble ramble .....

>>

yeah, i know, i should be studying since the anatomy exam is almost 3 hours away but meh...relaxation is just as good a preparation for exams right? haha or am i just making up an excuse to be lazy?

anyhows i think i've had enough of neck muscles and their attachments ( and valves of the heart, larynx and phonation, nerves and blood supplies...and the list just goes on...and on....and on....) for the week. i'm actually glad to have 3 exams this week because then they'll be over and done with and i can get another step closer to the summer hols!!

studying at home gets rather boring after a while, if i wasn't at all interested in this semester's content i probably would've dozed off a couple of dozen times this swotvac...so i'm glad that at least some bits of anatomy are interesting :)

oh, and i am so very annoyed at my next door neighbours who have decided to plant a gigantic swimming pool in their backyard. haven't they realised there's a drought at the moment?? and the local pool is only a 10 minute drive away ... *sigh* rich people who don't have more creative and useful ways to spend their money... and what bugs me at the moment is that they're laying down the tiles and rebuilding the fence right now, and my room is on the side that's next to them, which means all the unbearable noise from the sawing and drilling and etc only needs to travel a very short distance to reach my room and drive me insane!!! arghhhh.... stupid neighbours....

lol enough venting and rambling for now... even if i don't study, i do at least need to munch on some lunch before i head to uni... yay! hehe.... food makes me happy :P

>>

the open door

>>

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
\\ Helen Keller.

i think i have been staring at that closed door for much too long, to the point i cannot remember when it started. all that time spent going round and round in fruitless circles, what was i thinking? but that is the past, what's gone is gone, what's done is done, what has happened has happened...we cannot change the past, but we can change the future. the door has opened, and i am glad i can finally see it.

no one said that life was gonna be easy; things just happen, even if we're minding our own business living our own happy little lives, they still happen. but that is not to say that we can't do anything about it.

no, indeed you can't just erase what has happened and make it disappear. life is not like a pencil drawing that can be easily erased - it is a canvas painting. a canvas with the width of one's mind and the depth of one's imagination. someone may paint an unsightly stroke on it, and one could cover it up, or, one could turn the stroke into a tree, a bird or even the waves of the ocean.

there are difficult things, difficult people... difficult circumstances. rather than letting it bury me down, i am beginning to learn to see the opportunity in the difficulty. it takes time - and effort, and courage...and a whole bunch of other things - to learn, but i am willing to put in everything i've got.

the sun is out today. there may be grey clouds speckled amidst the sky, but the sun still radiates its light, and generously pours out its warmth (^_______^)

spring cleaning

>>

it is often said that laughter is the best medicine, but i'm sure that walking must come a close second to that.

i figured it was time to chill and empty out my brain today - at least emptying out the unnecessary trash stored in my mind that was taking over all the good stuff. yes, i decided it was time to go for a walk, a nice brisk, almost power-walking-speed stroll in my neighbourhood. and it kinda worked.

the sky was nice to me and didn't rain. half an hour was just right for enjoying the spring scenery (i.e. people's prettiful gardens with blooming flowers ^^). amongst the fresh greeness of the trees and grass, i could almost forget everything and it was just plain me, and my music, and nature.

by the time i got home i didn't feel tired, but rather, refreshed and perhaps even energised. my mind had cleared a bit and felt lighter than before. some of the mess was dumped, some was recycled into better thoughts, and hope, inspiration and motivation had a good dusting so now they're sparkling in the light and visible again.

>>

好天气 [ good weather ]

>>

one can predict the weather. one can prepare for the predicted weather. but the weather can never be at the will of human beings.

one day the skies may be a cloudless blue, and the next it may be a raging storm, a cyclone even. the winds may be bellowing; like a giant whose anger is beyond control, wreaking havoc and tossing the trees, homes and poor earthlings awry. the rain may be belting down mercilessly in truckloads, nonstop. the sunshine may be lost among the gloom of the heavy grey clouds that emanate misery in its darkest form. one may be soaked to the bones by the cold tears of the sky.

one may feel lost, helplessly trapped in devastation. it may seem as if the sun has eternally vanished. one may be hurt, forever scarred.

but the good weather will one day return, yet only if one hangs in there long enough despite the unfavourable circumstances. only if one can see the glints of light amongst the misfortune. just hang in there, and sunshine will radiate the skies once again.

>>

hope

...

s l o w

i'm such a slowpoke. i have hardly accomplished anything today and i'm sure there's gotta be some better way to study for anatomy than what i'm doing right now. there's nearly only half of the weekend left and i really doubt i'm gonna make much progress tomorrow despite my supposed motivation. and this isn't the only thing i'm slow at...

i feel that i'm kinda slow at growing and coming into terms with things, a slow-adjuster. i don't mean growing as in growing tall (that kinda stopped quite a while ago). growing up seems too big a task for me, i don't like facing the harsh reality of the real world out there... sometimes i feel like i'm living in my own little sphere, unable to blend into the normalities others take for granted. an anomaly. a turtle hidden inside its shell, afraid to get hurt, afraid to be scarred again.

i should seriously get back to studying or at least i should first of all figure out how i'm gonna organise those anatomy terms and principles.

start afresh, from square one, the long way, because it might be worth it in the end...

(lost & found)

this is perhaps the first week since the beginning of the semester that i have finally gotten a start on studying. i wonder why i didn't start earlier, because i sure regret it now...and whatever happened to my 'stop procrastinating' thing? i guess i'm the only to blame.

indeed, recently, out of nowhere, i've found myself some motivation, by some serendipitous luck i assume. maybe that was what went missing for while. like a paperclip missing beneath the cluttered mass on an untidy desk; lost among the crowd of paper, books and pens. or maybe its merely an unasked for exchange, for something forever lost. a compensation? i'd like to think better of it.

lost and found. as intrinsic a part of life as the law of gravity is to earth.

.... on a happier note ^____^

for some bizarre reason i feel particularly optimistic, happy and energised today, as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and i feel somewhat lighter (...lol, only figuratively (i still need to work on the exercising.. =="))

this year has had its unexpected ups and depressingling low downs; 2008 - a turbulent year to say the least. lots of things happen and not just in a linear fashion, but rather interweave ...like different coloured almost-torn threads tangled together, each thread making the mass all the more confusing than it already is....

but that's what life is like, colourful.

yet, at the same time it's fragile. sometimes letting go is better than holding on tight. taking each step as an fulfilling accomplishment rather than merely heading blindly towards a goal that's a mile away. giving yet asking for nothing in return. putting up a smile in the face of adversity, seeing the glow when the darkness has absorbed the light.

cherishing every moment, living without regrets.

+ one month post

it has been exactly one month since i last posted a blog entry. lots of things can happen in a month, good things, bad things, things that don't mean much, things that mean a lot, happy things, funny things, sad things, annoying things...i've just written a whole lot of 废话 but i can't be bothered backspacing it cos i'm not in such a great mood today.

i should be studying IBS now, i haven't reviewed the immune system yet and i haven't reviewed a bunch of other stuff either. sometimes when i'm in a bad mood i eat lots of food lol... bingeing on junk food, very unhealthy...so lately i've been switching to healthier alternatives (don't know how long its gonna last though...) i ate some dried apricots and a seedless mandarin just a while ago. last night i was helping my bro with reading and it was a book about what a fruit is, it said that fruits come from a plant, grow from the flower and have seeds. so a tomato is a fruit, a squash is a fruit and pumpkins are fruit...which i found kinda interesting, cos i used to think that pumpkin soup was a vegetable soup, lol but its a actually a fruit soup ...

i remember we had a class debate in yr 8 once, about whether summer or winter was better, i was on the winter side, but now i'm not so sure whether i do like winter better... right now my hands and feet and are like unmeltable ice, and i'm wearing gloves and socks already... the doctor once said that my blood circulation wasn't very good, which was why i used have headaches and stuff, and she told me to exercise to improve blood flow or something like that, i wonder how it works... is it increasing the capillary diameter, or like causing cardiac muscle hypertrophy so it pumps blood better...neither sound right...now how did i get onto this topic? lol it seems like a sign that i should be getting back to studying IBS....

me + my thoughts ---->

for some reason i feel like i've accomplished a lot this week. i finally went to do my interview with a dentist, finished my notes for genetics and also notes for those i didn't do last week, got the flu vaccine this morning, am over half way through the first draft of my essay... :] yay!!! hehe...

it's so easy to procrastinate and think 'oh, i'll do that later, it's not that important anyway, i've got plenty of time...' then things pile up like crazy and the end of the story, needless to say, is not exactly a pleasant one. so, i've decided to stop procrastinating and get things done straight away...haha dunno how long this is gonna last though...but at least i've tried >.< and i think making the effort is perhaps the second most important ... after persistence...ok so i guess i'll have to be persistent too....seems like i've made things more complicated than they were *sigh*

sometimes i think, wouldn't it be so good if everything in the world was simple, if everyone in the world had simple minds, and no one was scheming evil plans, no one telling lies, no one making other people sad, what a happy world that would be... human beings are as intelligent a creature as they are stupid, like what einstein said ' only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and i'm not so sure about the former'

my stupid complaints

*sigh* today has been a bit of a dodgy day, and here's why:

1. after our lectures today the weather was really warm, well warm for autumn anyway, the sun was out and all, then the trams at swanston st weren't working so we walked all the way from there to elizabeth st to get the tram. ok, maybe it wasn't that far but it made me feel even hotter by the time i got to the tram stop. the thing is, i was wearing a jumper (stupid me) and i couldn't really take that off...so that really bugged me...

2. i went to get my formal pants shortened at this clothes shop place and the person wasn't there so i have to wait till tomorrow to get it, which by then the infection control prac would be over and i need to wear "professional attire" for that. yes, very dodgy because pretty much all of my clothes don't fall under that category. so i went rummaging through my wardrobe for something suitable to wear, which i have finally found so i'm kinda glad about that. however, i felt kinda outta place and weird when i was trying on that stuff so i'm not quite sure how on earth i'm gonna survive wearing that for the whole entire day tomorrow...

3. i decided to get a start on my dent assignment, which i had already tried but wasn't successful since the dentist i interviewed didn't really have any thoughts about dentistry :S ...anyways, so i decided to call wend's dentist to see if i could make an appointment to interview her....but then i got rejected by the receptionist cos she said the dentist was too busy and etc hence, now i'm starting to stress out about finding a dentist to interview... *sniff*

4. not sure exactly why, but i have a headache now... so i don't feel that great either :'(

anyhows, after letting out all my complaints for the day i feel really stupid for feeling grumpy and down cos they are such miniscule things to feel bad about...hehe so now i'm gonna enjoy what's left of the day :] !!!!

p.s. here's a pic from my phone of a double rainbow i saw on last thursday after it rained :)

too good to eat

i stumbled upon this website [http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=14120] and look at what i found...

a mint chocolate cupcake bear from the amigurumi bakery!

its soooooo cute!! >.< and there's lots more!i even found a blueberry lollipop one hehe...


totemo kawaii desu!!

the chocolate puppy looks so cuddleable ^.^ i want to hug it! =P

uni: week one

the first week of uni has just gone by. to tell the truth i kinda do miss high school, but so far uni has been better than i had expected. hehe and i'm starting to actually know where buildings and stuff are located so i'm not getting lost as much =) the bad thing about uni is the big breaks that we get, and esp. with dent we can't actually choose our timetable or anything so that kinda sucks. i really enjoyed our prac class even though i got pretty tired after the three hours. another bad thing is the 8 o'clock days we get, lol so now i'm starting to get sleep deprived even though i go to sleep really early already.

...today i came back home from camp (which wasn't that great cos there was so much drinking and stuff there and the place was pretty dodgy - so not my type of camp)the first thing mum said to me when she saw me was like ' wow, what happened to your face?!' =.=" turns out i got around twenty mossie bites and nine of them were on my face! =( !!!!in the morning when i was brushing my teeth i only saw a couple and i already got pretty depressed then, so yeah, when i got home i felt waaay worser !(not that there is such a word but...) lol i must've looked pretty odd on the train and stuff with all those red spots on my face!

so altogether i've had a nice five days of uni complimented by a totally dodge weekend. i think that's enough complaining from me for the time being...

freerice.com

i visited the freerice website yesterday, initially with some doubt...i mean does anything come free in this world? but then i checked out the site and even went on the bbc news website to verify that freerice was not some con.

the idea of freerice is actually very simple, but also very clever too. it's a vocab game where for every word you get correct 20 grains of rice is donated by the ads that are on that page. you can help save people and improve your vocab at the same time.

just out of curiosity i decided to work out how much 20 grains of rice actually is. our kitchen scales aren't too great so i ended up having to count out 100 grains of rice to get a proper weight. 100 grains = approx 5 grams, so playing the game to get 1000 grains of rice = donating 50 grams of rice.

why not check out the website today? --> www.freerice.com

happy chinese new year ! =]

xin nian kuai le! wishing everyone shen ti jian kang, wan shi ru yi! ( i was gonna type it in chinese but its not working on the comp, oh well) apparently shakespeare, churchill and mozart were all born in the year of the rat...anyways, here's one of those really cool chinese paper cutting thingys:

[2008 : year of the rat]


...hello kitty in chinese zodiac costumes, very cute!

i'm bored and hungry...not a good combination

it's 6:41 already! and i'm STARVING !!!! ok...maybe a lil exaggerated... anyhows i can't believe its already been like two months since end of vce...and less than a month till uni starts..omg i'm not ready for it yet!! i'm actually quite satisfied with what i've managed to do during these holidays so far, hehe i've baked choc-chip cookies =P, i went all the way to the city to get my tax file number, i got my L's (yay!), i cleaned my room (several times), i finally put up photos in facebook and lots and lots more ^^ only thing now is i need to find a part-time job....

[two minute picture + photoshopping]

colour is an interesting thing. it can create emotion effortlessly, without a single word. what an odd thing colour is...no shape, no form, no texture...yet it's still there...colour creates shape, reveals form, enhances texture...

is personality like colour? something that is physically intangible yet always there, and within itself personality holds some sort of life (in a figurative way)...

enrolment day @ monash

omg ... lol the parkville campus is soooo tiny! though it was prettier and much more modern than i had expected, so that was comforting :)
i couldn't believe how fast enrolment was...basically you just get your name ticked off, get a copy of the student diary and orientation booklet, take a photo for your student i.d. card(which i look horrible in!) and that's it! sally and i were gonna go to have a walk around the campus (not that there's much to walk around...)but most of it was blocked off cos they're still constructing...lol
...so then we decided to go to the bookshop to check out the books on our booklist. the books are all humungous and extremely heavy!! lol and expensive too!
yes, a rather uneventful enrolment day.... =.=
oh well, i hope orientation is much much better!!

sleepover + movies + tea party = fun

went to my cousins' place for a sleepover for a couple of days.

we re-watched the korean winter sonata series, played ludo and scrabble, went shopping and saw golden compass AND WE HAD A TEA PARTY where we made lots of yummy food =P (although not exactly what you'd call healthy...hehe we drank water instead of soft drink to kind of balance it out...lol) golden compass was better than i had expected, though i was kinda confused at bits but i like the scenery and stuff, storyline was relatively linear, open-ended ending ...anyways i'm guessing the book itself would be much more detailed and better explained - as with movies like lotr and harry potter...so i'm hoping to read northern lights one day...

our tea party was more of a random-food party, but it was great anyway cos we got to make all of the food ourselves and it was the first time that i'd made honey joys..so that was really fun...we had fairy bread,raspberry and apple jelly, mango jelly, pancakes, nachos, honey joys (of course)and fruit salad - yes, an odd combination but delicious nonetheless!

some of our tea party dishes....


...lol...my demented burnt pancake...


....and a closer look at our 110% scrumptious honey joys...